Cleave Unto Your Spouse

by angeladee78
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

One of the greatest things about finding someone you want to marry is that you find someone with whom you want to build a life together. Before the wedding day, there are many dreams about trips you will take, the house you will buy, and the children you will raise. Together, the two of you, will leave your childhood homes and work side by side to create a new life.
            However, that is often easier said than done. Family is important and for many of us, the roles our family has played in our lives are huge, especially our mothers and fathers. Yet, when we get married, it is a time of leaving our parents, separating ourselves in order to continue our growth as an individual and as a couple. This is not abandoning them. This is adjusting to life and relying on your spouse in your marriage.
            Often, we tend to cleave or devote ourselves to our parents instead of our spouse. Sometimes, it is our parents that won’t relinquish their hold. Either way, as a married couple it is important to set boundaries and not allow the relationships we have with our family to destroy our marriage. We don’t want our spouse to feel like we don’t have faith in them because we go to our parents rather than rely on them to work things out. It can make them feel diminished and unimportant in your life.
            I’ve had to work hard on this in my marriage. I have an amazing father. He literally can fix almost anything, and he knows A LOT. When I got married, my husband would try to fix things that needed to be done around the house. I would constantly question his decisions and run to my dad to get the “correct” way of doing things. I didn’t think anything of it. After all, who wouldn’t want expert advice? Then one day, it came up in an argument. My actions were making my husband feel as if he was dumb and even worse as if he wasn’t worthy to be my husband. I didn’t allow him to help me, and I didn’t treat him as if he could accomplish anything on his own. He felt useless in our marriage.
            I never thought about how he was feeling. The funny thing is my dad had been trying to tell me I needed to change. He would often tell me to let my husband do things his way and just give him a holler if he needed help. I didn’t understand the message until my actions had already caused damage, but I am grateful for a father that encouraged me to build my relationship and trust with my husband.
            In Helping and Healing Families: Principles and Practices Inspired by “The Family a Proclamation to the World, the authors suggest adult married children set boundaries with in-laws to ensure they build a strong happy marriage. Have regular contact with both sides of the family, but make sure that it doesn’t put your spouse second. Put your spouse first, build your relationship and your life together. It’s okay to take advice, but not at the expense of your marriage.
            As you start to lean on your spouse, you will find yourself building trust and love. You can cleave unto your spouse, leaving your mother and father behind, and be happy with the person you chose for the next phase of your life. Doing this will benefit you and help you build strength into your marriage.

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