Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Sex is a touchy subject. I agree. It is. However, it is vitally important to understand the TRUE meaning and purpose of sexual intimacy in marriage. Hugh B. Brown, a religious leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-saints, “We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose.” I want to add, we don’t want any age of people to believe sex is an unmentionable human misfortune. It is a sacred act when done between husband and wife. Give yourself permission to seek answers from good sources to get the answers you have.
Within marriage, the appropriate use of intimacy can be something wonderful. It can create joy and unity between you and your spouse. Heavenly father gave us the natural desire to not only create life on earth, but also to strengthen the bonds in our marriage. Yet, the world would have us believe something different. There is a constant barrage of messages coming from multiple directions that would have us believe we should either flaunt our sexuality or hide from it in fear of committing sin.
It is okay to read about sex. It is okay to talk about sex. Sexual issues often lead to divorce. If we don’t seek to understand our spouses and ourselves, we can end up frustrated and hurt. It’s imperative to learn to communicate about sexual intimacy with your spouse. Learn to be as comfortable about the topic as you are speaking of the weather. Communicate your feelings and be specific about your thoughts. Most challenges to your sexual intimacy can be overcome with patience, effort, and knowledge.
I’ve struggled to find a personal story to share with you on this subject to help you understand, yet I am unable to find one I am comfortable with sharing. Suffice it to say, I have had my fair share of conflict in my marriage concerning sexual intimacy and am learning (slowly, but surely) that we can work through these conflicts. Often I have had to push my discomfort aside or build up immense courage to bring a topic up to my husband. In doing so, I’ve discovered his tender love for me and his willingness to work toward a better understanding of me. I hope he feels I have done the same for him.
Marriage is hard, and in this sense, often awkward. Many of us have grown up with incorrect ideas about sex. Many of you will have differing ideas about what sexual intimacy means. Don’t allow it to get into your way of creating a strong marriage. Give yourself to your spouse fully, seeking to fulfill each other’s needs rather than satisfying your own passion. When concerns or thoughts arise, take courage and go to your spouse in love and kindness. Together, you will learn how to work through the struggles, enhance your experience, and strengthen your bonds as husband and wife.
Some books for gaining knowledge on sexual intimacy in marriage:
The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHave
Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley
Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat
The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis
Purity and Passion by Wendy Watson
Auntie Angie's Advice 